


there you are

by orphan_account



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew POV, Andrew is soft ok?, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, andrew loves neil, he just doesn't know how to say it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:15:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23512234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He’d once asked Neil what it would be to make him stay. He couldn’t say that he would’ve given everything. Tell me Neil and it’s yours.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 143





	there you are

**Author's Note:**

> A short character of study of Andrew's feelings for his pipe dream.

Andrew was aware he did not deserve Neil. Though Bee would disagree, she would argue that Andrew deserved to be loved and to have Neil just as Neil deserved him. Oh Bee, how could a broken man deserve someone like Neil Abram Josten? 

He’d once asked Neil what it would be to make him stay. He couldn’t say that he would’ve given everything. Tell me Neil and it’s yours. 

The softness, the tender moments that they shared in the Columbia house, whispered truths that escaped their mouths and got lost in the dark. Andrew would never say the words aloud but he knew he loved Neil. He’d known for a while actually, but he was afraid to admit to himself that he was letting another person in to eventually get hurt in the long run, it was terrifying to realise he had let his guard down for a liar, a runaway who could leave at any moment. His runaway had promised he was not running anymore, but could Andrew let himself fall so hard that when Neil eventually left he would have no way of coming back? 

He’d realised he first loved Neil when the idiot had held onto the key Andrew pressed into his hand, whispering into the Palmetto sky that Andrew had, ‘gave him a key and called it home.’ The look in his broken, icy eyes had seared through Andrew’s being and made him feel sick from how much he was feeling. It was easier to push the junkie’s emotional face away than act on his impulses to lay his life on the line for this idiot. However, he caved - he kissed him with everything he had, he poured a mixture of emotions he could not handle with words, this was how Andrew knew how to feel. Feeling was a strange emotion and he could not stop it when he was with Neil, if he focused on the feel of soft lips on his he could distract himself from his true thoughts. This was dangerous, a line he could not cross because he would not come back from it; how could he resist when Neil’s lips felt like they belonged on his? Andrew felt like he’d already fallen off the side of the roof by Neil’s hand. It took everything he had to ask Neil to say no. What the junkie didn’t know is if he would have said no it would’ve killed Andrew, he would’ve respected his boundaries and let him go and consider he would never let anyone else in again. Andrew would’ve kept protecting him, even if he would die everytime he looked in those blue eyes. 

No matter how much he felt for Neil, his protection came first. Andrew would never let himself live if he was the reason for Neil’s harm although he made it hard for him to stay protected. His perfect sculpted mouth running away from him. Andrew could remember how those lips felt so soft against his whenever he closed his eyes; it was interesting to hear the harsh and studied words that escaped it. Andrew could listen to Neil speak forever, the words falling out his angelic mouth with such hate, such force that he did not think was possible from him; but Andrew knew Neil wasn’t real, his pipe dream. A walking daydream, which was why Andrew had to hold onto this dream while he still could. Neil had said he wasn’t a hallucination, but how could Andrew believe him when he was capable of making Andrew give up everything he had for him? 

Usually, Andew was able to keep his emotions in control and hide how he truly felt with an apathetic gaze, but then came Baltimore. 

In hindsight, he should’ve seen it coming, it was all getting too good to be true. Thank you. You were amazing. Playing on repeat in his head, the guarded expression that Andrew could see right through, he could read a thousand unspoken words on Neil’s face, what was he hiding and why could he not tell Andrew? Had Andrew not proved himself worthy of Neil? He should’ve known the riot was staged as soon as he saw Neil disappear into the crowd, he’d always known he was a pipe dream but he never thought he would lose him like this. He got distracted from trying to protect the others, Aaron dragged by his right arm, Nicky on the left and Kevin trailing behind holding onto Andrew’s top like it was a lifeline. 

Choking the truth out of Kevin was a dangerous display of his anger aimed at himself. He had broken his promise to Neil because how could he ever say no to those eyes? When Kevin told the truth about Neil, or Nathaniel’s past, Andrew knew that he’d lost. He had lost his runaway, his pipe dream. There was no coming back from ‘The Butcher,’ Kevin had gasped when Andrew removed his deathgrip from his neck. The rest of the foxes stopped him from running from the bus, stealing a car and driving to Baltimore himself. He didn't know the roads or his destination, but he would burn the world to the ground just to find Neil; to have his hands softly graze Andrew’s again and nervously ask, ‘yes or no?’. He was always told if you love someone let them go, but how could he let his someone go? When he was so close to having what he never thought he could? 

But then Neil was in front of him, on his knees asking Andrew if he could stay. And how could he say no? He was never losing him again, from now on he would keep him in his line of sight and never risk this again. Neil may be a pipe dream, but Andrew wanted to hold onto this while he still could. He tells Neil, he wants nothing because that’s easier to say than how he wants everything with Neil. He would never tell Neil he loved him, the words would never escape from his lips; it would be shown in different ways, the consensual touches they shared, the bruising kisses hidden from the world and the exchanged truths they would share on the roof, in the Maserati or Columbia. 

He may not tell Neil he loves him. Neil already knows this, they never have to say the three words. They are meaningless when they are each other's everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are encouraged and I would love to hear your feedback! This is my first work and it mean's a lot to hear what you think. :)


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